All citizens living in flood-prone areas are requested to evacuate their homes, that is, if they have a toll-gate pass. For those without this convenient, money saving card that can save you hours when you need them most, please go to our website www.YouHaveNoChoiceButPay and get your pass for an extra charge (we know that you do not have a choice.)
If, however, due to the severe weather condition, your Internet is down, you can still reach us on 1800-pay-alot and a new wireless connection – which does not require a landlines and can save you thousands of dollars in shopping from wherever you are – will be delivered at your doorstep.
In the likely event that your power is also down and you cannot call us – because you are subscribed to a modern telephone service that does not work when the power is down – we have just the solution for you. A self sustained portable generator – which you can also use when camping or when having friends for a nice barbecue after your successful fishing trip. To get our generator, please come to any of our local shops around Philadelphia, as we have made a killing, and we are sold out in the tri-state area. If you ever make it back home, you will feel as if no storm whatever is taking place.
If flooding prevents you from reaching our shops – open for your convenient 24 by seven including Christmas and New Year eve – we hope that your insurance with us is valid, and gives you all the sleep you need in these stormy times. Otherwise, if you have survived Irene, please call 1800-you-are-screwed, and make sure that your next hurricane will be a pleasant experience to share with friends and family .
When did profiteering stop being a dirty word?